Our family has had some interesting and very emotional moments over the year. Some of which some of you know about, many of which no one but us knows about. It's that the way it is in most families?
Anyway, over the last several weeks I've really been struggling - emotionally - and not really being able to figure out what the problem was. I guess it was probably a lot of things - some big, some small, some in between. Never-the-less I was at a moment of "wallowing" in my emotional state. Don't misunderstand me. I wasn't trying to stay in such a draining state, but I didn't have the strength to pull myself out. And I felt I was falling deeper and deeper. Yet some how not really depressed - just emotional.
When I say I was wallowing, I mean that I wasn't allowing myself to move forward. I wasn't working towards a better me. I had become settled in the state that I was in. Not that I liked it, but that's the way it was.
I think we are often finding ourselves in such situations. Maybe not always emotional - I certainly hope not - but content to just be. To accept ourselves and not being willing to move forward to become better and stronger people.
I was blessed to have the experience of my little Peter walking with me in the woods behind the house. Actually, all the kids were with me, but Peter was special. I've always loved how he holds my hand to go with me anywhere. He insists on it, not just letting me take his hand when I feel the need, but insisting that it's necessary.
While we were in the woods, he'd stop and go off to the side of the path, kneel down and start to look at something. He'd immediately glance back up at me to see where I was. Certain that I was still near by, he would go back to studying whatever it was he was looking at.
He would glance back at me often enough that I would never be able to get more then two steps away from him before he'd jump up running toward me with his hand out reached. He'd catch up, grab my hand and slow to a steady walk beside me until I'd stop again. Then he'd go to the edge and explore once more.
In my emotional state, I saw this briefly as a set back. The other kids were already at the end of the first trail waiting for us so we could begin on the loop. But then the thought struck me that he was doing exactly what we all should be doing with the Savior. He wasn't afraid that I would leave him, but he knew that it was safe to be near me. He knew that it was okay, and even good, to explore on his own, with me near-by. But he also knew that when I moved ahead, that meant it was time to move on.
As I pondered this, I came to realize that the Lord was teaching me a very valuable lesson. We've all heard of how we should reach up and the Lord will take us by the hand and lead us. Well, He also allows us to learn, to grow, to explore, to become better. He shows us the way, leading us by the hand. Then He lets go, so we can grow. But He is not content to let us stay becoming stagnant. After a time of exploring, or testing, or becoming better at a certain thing, He takes a few steps forward, beckoning to us that it's time to advance a little further. If we are watching Him always (as we should be), we will take notice and jump up to follow immediately, with outstretched hand ready to hold His hand and let Him guide us to the next place in our lives.
Our Savior never leaves us. He is always near to us. Sometimes He gives us enough room to grow, to become more perfect in a particular area, but He never walks away. He will lead. He will beckon, and He will wrap His hand around our own. He will keep us learning and growing, that we might not become stagnant and loose sight of what matters eternally.
I am grateful for the lessons He teaches us. And grateful for my children who help me to grow, to learn, and to be reminded of important truths. I am especially grateful for the beckon call of my Savior which has helped me to begin to find my footing and move forward.
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