Making Friends

We have some great friends... different than our other friends... we typically don't call them (unless we're returning a call), we don't hang out, we don't exchange gifts, in fact, we don't do much of anything that "normal good friends" would do.

Since the missionaries come up to our area once a week, and we house them, we have the unique experience to be able to show our children first hand a little of what it's like to be a missionary (and to give service and open up your home with no more than a moment's notice - although that last part is very, very rare - thank goodness for me). It's been wonderful to see our children's faces light up, their enthusiasm, and also to see that it has not dampened their desire to go on a mission - rather it has reinforced it. We are indeed grateful for these special moments which strength our children and help them grow their testimonies of Christ and His gospel.

Well, Peter (being not quite 2) tends to think that the missionaries are only okay once they're almost done eating dinner and about ready to head out to another appointment. He was playing shy - scowling some, hiding his head, hanging on to me. One of our elders was determined that somehow he and Peter would be friends by the time he was done in this area. So, at meals, he'd play silly games to try and engage Peter.

Finally Peter started laughing during some silly peek-a-boo / hide-and-go seek type stuff at the table. As soon as Peter was done eating, he ran over, grabbed the elder by the hand and dragged him into the living room where he insisted the elder should help him build a train track. Ever since, Peter loves to see the missionaries - both of them. (He's always smiled at the other elder)

So, friends they are - and the experiences will be best held in his heart, though he may never remember them in pictures!

Standing For What We Believe - Faith Even In Adversity

Being rather "protected" from the media - no TV, little internet time with four little kids running around - I gather much of my news from my husband's accounts of the news from work. The hatred going on today is unbelievable - okay, I guess it's very believable, after all, the scriptures have told us this was coming (see Revelations). But still, sometimes I really don't understand where anger comes from - not to say I haven't dealt with it myself, but even then I don't understand it really.

But anger which goes into direct destruction and violence - I have never understood that. Never. Not even in history class. I'm not looking for someone to help me understand it - the mental part of it I do get - it's the deep down emotional side of me that just can't fully comprehend it. Since when is violence the answer? Violence, typically, only begets more violence. And, yes, I agree there are necessary times to defend ourselves. But not when one's life is not already in danger.

Earlier this week, I read an email forwarded on to me. One which is an eye witness account of a member of the church who was at the LA Temple during one of the riots. I loved how he told not only what was happening, the strangeness of seeing the police all over the temple to protect it, but more than that what he said about the peace he felt even during the chaos - the knowledge that there were angels all around protecting them that night.

As I read over this email today, I was reminded of the scripture which tells us that those that be with us are more than those that be against us (see 2Kings 6:15-17). The fight for truth is on going. It didn't start here... it has merely continued. The fight is real. And it includes more than just mere mortals. The Lord will not allow the devil and his angels to destroy the truth. The Lord has promised us that. The righteous, those who chose to come to earth and receive a mortal body, were more than those who tried to force perfection without knowledge or understanding upon us. Now, here on Earth, the same is true. Because even though some of us may choose poorly (and all of us at times), and some will blatantly reject truth and salvation, those who fight the good fight - who fight for truth and salvation - are still, and always will be, greater than those who are against it. Our numbers include those who have come and gone, those to still come, and those already here. And our power is only that of the Lord - the greatest power in all the heavens and the earth.

I read another account from an LAPD officer today. It's amazing the things they are willing to share with the rest of us. Things which both sadden and amaze us. For there is great anger and cruelty as well as strength and Christ-like courage. I hope that we might all find a way to show such strength and Christian Courage. Surely our leaders today knew that we would need to better understand just what Christian Courage is as they spoke of it numerous times during General Conference.

It breaks my heart to think of the persecution of the saints. It breaks my heart to see riots break out because democracy was exercised. Desecration of holy places is not going to change our values. Our beliefs. It's not going to make us crumble and think that our Lord has left us. He has a great work that is going forth. We are only here for a short time. The difference we make is only as strong as the Spirit's witness to another. But like the pioneers before us, we will not forsake the truth because of bullying. If anything, it will strengthen us, as we see prophecy being fulfilled. The scriptural revelations becoming reality right before our eyes.

My mind reels as I read more of these accounts - just as it does every time I read the accounts of the massacres, mob rages, and "extermination" efforts towards the American Indians, the early Mormons, and the Jews. No matter how many times I read or hear them, they still leave that same heart-sickening feeling. That sense of "why?" Not "why does the Lord allow this to happen", but rather "why do people refuse to see each other as people - turning violent when something does not go their way?"

We are here in a free country. Free. Does that not mean anything? Freedom is knowing that you have voice. Freedom is exercising your right to vote. Freedom is being able to worship the way you believe. Freedom.

Freedom does not mean that we can do anything we wish - that is anarchy. There are certain human rights that should not be denied anyone. Those are such things which allow one to be and feel safe.

But freedom does mean that if you don't like the results of something, there is something you can do. You can be productive - not destructive.

And in the end was it the Mormon's who had the final vote? NO. IT WAS THE PEOPLE. The greater voice. That's democracy. That's what makes this a free country.

Though I do not like to see anyone hurt in the aftermath of such emotional decisions, I do not agree with the violence and vandalism it has provoked. I stand by my beliefs. One of which is to allow all to worship how, where and what they may (See Article of Faith 11). But I also claim that same privilege for myself. And when I vote, it is not because my church has told me how to, it is based upon my values - and like everyone else I know, my values come from my beliefs.

For some, marriage is merely a term - something to be changed according to what they want it to mean. For us (as well as in other religions), Marriage (the union between one man and one woman) is a covenant - a promise made between the two and the Lord. It came about from the time of the union between Adam and Eve - a sacred joining of one man to one woman through the power of God. To us, Marriage is not just a social term. It is a sacred ordinance.

I testify that I know that Jesus is the one and only Christ. That He loves each one of us. That He hung and suffered on the cross that we might all have the opportunity to call on Him and be saved unto eternal life through His great atonement. I know that He has given us scripture to help and guide us even in these last days. I know that He speaks to a prophet today! A living prophet - for which I am so grateful! And I know that He will return to the Earth again. He is coming! And no power on Earth can stop that! He has promised to come and bring peace to the Earth again. The things of today are things testified of by prophets - specially John - which must come to pass before Christ returns.

I know that each of us comes to Earth with different trials to overcome. Different circumstances to endure. These "hardships" have been chosen specifically for each one of us so that we might grow to our fullest potential. And though many are much more difficult than one might think they can withstand, I know that the Lord grants us His additional strength. I know that He will not leave us in our times of need. He loves us too much for that.

I am so grateful to know who I am. I am a daughter of God. I am loved. I am known. And I will stand strong - with peace in my heart - as I look forward to the day I am reunited with my Savior! I pray all my loved ones will be there as well. And I pray that all will have the chance to decide for themselves if they will also follow, and look forward to, Christ.

I know that I can speak directly to my Lord through prayer. That He hears and answers me. Not always in the way I might think is best, but always with peace and always, as it turns out, for the best to help me grow. I am so grateful to know that I can know truths for myself - not because someone else has told me - but because I have studied it out, prayed about it and received a divine answer and witness.

Our Savior has promised us peace. He has promised us eternal life. And He has given us the only hope of eternal families - our families together beyond the grave, never to be separated. I hold on to this - knowing that we all have choices to make for ourselves - even our children. But knowing that as we each come to know and accept Christ, we can have this for ourselves.

I am grateful for my testimony, which has come from years of study, pondering, prayer and reflection. I am grateful to know that although I am far from perfect, I can work towards perfection, and that Christ will make up the difference when the time comes as long as I truly do my best and repent when I fall short. And most certainly, I am grateful to feel peace - a peace which does not come of the world, but only through the Love of Christ.

In all this chaos, confusion, bitterness, hatred, violence and such, I pray that the Love of Christ will be able to reach all. That through it we may all come to have such peace. Let us all be willing to love one another. To pray for each other. And to find peace.

Remember Your Role

Well, this past month has been interesting with the conversations dwelling on politics. My biggest frustration.... Who do you vote for when neither appears good! That's not to say there weren't any good points about either. Just that neither really stood out as a good... as full of integrity. Like some others, the person I wanted to vote for, the person I believe would have been best, was not on the ticket. That didn't mean I couldn't vote for the person... but it did mean that if I did, I would likely be "throwing away" my vote.

Voting is too important for that. But I really felt sick about both major candidates... so it became a serious matter of prayer. I guess that's what is should have been all along. After all, voting is important. Our freedom is important! And who better to guide us than our Lord. If left in the hands of us poor mortals, we are sure to mess it up!

Now that the vote has been cast and counted, all we can do is pray. Pray for our leaders today. Pray that our country will be healed in many ways. Prayer is all we have. Prayer is all we ever have.

And, for many of us (and any who choose to listen), we have a Prophet. So there can be no mistake of what our role is to be. What we should be doing. How we should be living. And with that, we have no need to fear - no matter what concerns we may have.

You Can Know For Yourself

Today was Stake Conference - a time when all the congregations (Wards and Branches) of our church in a specific location gather for one large meeting. This, for us, involves a lengthy travel to and from. But it is always worth it. Sometimes it seems (in the moment, until reflection) that it wasn't worth while because it's hard on little children. But today I was fortunate enough to feel it's worth even before I arrived.

Maybe it was the fact that I actually thought ahead last night - gathering up clothes and food (breakfast for the ride up, lunch for the ride back), and ideas for entertaining the children. Maybe it was that I got up early enough to get everyone ready without arguing with them. Maybe it was because things seemed peaceful this morning. Or maybe it was just because the Lord wanted to remind me of the importance of the messages to come.

Whatever the reason, on the ride up, I had a thought relating to going to conference. And the Spirit hit me with such force that I had to blink to be sure I was till in the van. I knew there was something special about conference. The Spirit reminded me of that on the way up. It certainly made me feel better about dragging Peter up there - he's just come down with a cold that seems to have settled into his chest.

Once arriving, there were several moments when the Spirit bore witness of truths shared. But more than that, the Spirit taught me things.

In one particular talk, I remember the Spirit instructing me about the importance of inviting others to come to know for themselves. Inviting them to participate, to join in these special meetings or events or readings which we know will grant them the opportunity to know for themselves that God loves them. That Jesus is the Christ. That we are all children of God. Special, sacred, well loved children.

I know these things for myself. I want my children to know them for themselves as they grow. Why, then, would I not want my friends to also know? The answer - I do want them to know. I want them to feel the peace and joy and love which is like no other. That only comes from knowing who you really are and why you are here.

If you could know for yourself - 100% know - would you take the opportunity to find out?

If you answered yes, then please go to the below links. They will help you find out for yourself. You CAN KNOW for YOURSELF - seek, ask and you shall know!

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
Jesus Christ, The Son of God

Award? Tagged!

So I sat down to read through the blogs this morning - because that's the only chance I'll have all day - when I came to Monica's blog. She was expressing her gratitude (I think) for being chosen for an award - a blogging award. I thought that was interesting... and then I kept reading. It was one of those "TAGS" - and then I started getting one of those feelings.....Thanks, Monica. Though I'm not big on following the "blogging community games", I like what this one asks, so you're in luck! :)

6 things I value and 6 things I don't. This might getting interesting... it's definately personal.

Things I VALUE - it's hard to stick to just 6:

1. The Gospel: Without it I would be a lost and lonely child. That may seem simplistic, but truly, I have been in places in my life where without the gospel - without the knowledge of a Savior and His love for me - I would have landed in compete and utter despair.

2. My Family: It is eternal! It is precious to me. The relationships I have with my husband, my children and my extended family give me great joy. And through blessed, sacred, priesthood power, we have been sealed together for eternity! Never to leave each other. Death cannot part us!

3. Freedom: It is the whole reason I am able to worship according to my beliefs. It's the reason I can choose to educate my children in a way that I feel is best for them. It's the reason I can choose how to live my life, and where. It's the reason we can choose how to spend or save our money. Freedom is the choice we are given to live according to what we know is right. And to let others do the same. It's what allows us to VOTE upon the government which runs this nation.

4. Living Prophets: I couldn't imagine this world of chaos and commotions without a living prophet for guidance. I love the prophets of old. And I love that the Lord does not leave us without a prophet today. He loves us just as He loved the people in biblical times. He does not leave us floundering. "We Thank Thee, O God, For A Prophet!"

5. Personal Revelation: Yes, I greatly value the ability to pray to God and know that He will answer me. That He will guide and instruct me. And that everything I hear, I can have confirmed or denied through that direct connection between me and the Lord. I don't always understand - often I don't understand until after - but He always gives me the answer He knows is best for me. And He always confirms sacred council that is given so that I might know for myself that it is the will of the Lord!

6. GREAT FRIENDS: They are the ones who will "pick me up" when I need it. They are the ones who pray for me when I'm struggling. They are the ones who, next to my family, love me the most. They are the ones who help me see what is always most important. They always remind me that I am of great worth!

Things I DON'T value:

1. Clutter: I have a lot of this. It's in my house. It's in my van. It's in my life. I dislike clutter.. but I must admit that I'm not as good about getting rid of it. I'm getting better. Clutter makes me feel over-whelmed. It makes me feel irritable. It makes me feel helpless.

2. VERY Loud Noise: The noise level in my life is often too loud. It's not just the kids around me either. Sometimes it's me. And sometimes it's the constant noise of life that has been allowed to get too busy. I have found that when I am doing the things which are needful, those things which matter and which will build up eternal relationship, that the noise, no matter how loud it really is, is some how much quieter. I believe it's the Spirit shielding me from the over-stimulation of such noise. But when I am not focused on those precious things, when I let life take control of me instead of the other way around, the noise, no matter how small, seems to escalate to an unbearable level.

3. Distorted Views: We all have them. And most often it comes because we do not have the whole picture. I really dislike them. I always have - even when I was little and was publicly accused of being "perfect" - it completely angered me. I don't like it when I look at someone and then find out I've distorted their image for myself. And I don't like hearing such distortions about myself. It comes too close to judgment (and often is).

4. Stress: I am way too good at allowing way too much of it into my life! Stress can be good if it allows someone to get something done... that's me. It's a great motivator. But it's an even better health robber! Maybe I should have said "Excess Stress".

5. The Act of Traveling: This might be a "for now in my life thing" but I know I'm not huge on traveling anyway. I do like to visit and explore places. I don't like the actual act of traveling. I am forever dreaming up ways to "speed up the trip" through imaginary, futuristic means (very unrealistic). I especially don't like the fight, struggle, chaos of long travels with little kids. It's so hard on them... and thus hard on everyone else!

6. Unproductive Meetings: I'm not a huge fan of meetings in general... the time away from family is hard enough. But I understand and acknowledge meetings which are needful and which are purposeful. These make it worth while. The others, the ones where no one shows up, or it's all chit-chat and no business, the ones that are there simply to have a meeting and not really for any real purpose - those I could do without! (And I try to.)

And now For the Next (It's your turn now!):

Ashby Family Trio - Katie
Chez Nous in Maine - Kim
Hurley's Heaven - Melissa
I Am A Leaf On The Wind - Zarah
Monkey Business - Karyn
Ummmmm - Juanita

Here are the 'official' rules:

*Mention the blog that gave you the award and comment on their blog to let them know that you have posted their award. You also have to list 6 things you value and 6 things you don't value. Lastly, you have to pass the award onto 6 other friends! *

God Knows What We Say - And He Answers Us

With winter coming, I had picked up the insulating window plastic. That meant it was time to start putting it up (before it was completely necessary and we could feel the winter wind blowing throughout the house). In order to do this, I needed the hair dryer.

In most houses, the hair dryer would be easy to locate. But since our family doesn't use a hair dryer (I know, strange people that we are), it's only used when we put up the window plastic! Therefore, no one remembered where it was last put (since last year was the last time it was used)!

In his prayer, Jeremy asked the following:

"And please help Mommy to find the hair thing-a-ma-jig. Because she really needs to put up the stuff and I need to help her, so could you please help her find the hairy thing-a-ma-jiggy."

God not only hears and answers prayers (because, yes, we found the "hairy thing-a-ma-jiggy" before going to bed last night), but He knows exactly what we are asking for. Words are not as important as What we are trying to say. God knows and loves us. He understands us, no matter what language we try to speak! And He truly answers prayer.

Precious Baptism

Thursday night was wonderful! For about a week I have had the honor of helping Juanita make a beautiful baptism dress for dear Olivia. It was a wonderful experience. It took a lot a patience. For me, it took patience to just stand back and only give the answers to questions. To not step in and help out as much as I have done in the past with other projects. But it was wonderful to be a part of it.

As with anything pertaining to getting baptized, the dress was more troublesome than it might otherwise have been.... even when I took over to try to make something work (which I've never had trouble with before)! But we kept heart knowing that the dress was important to Olivia as a symbol of the pureness that was hers at her moment of baptism. We knew that all would work out. And indeed it did.

Olivia was baptized Thursday night. I was so touched because I recall this sweet spirit before she had the opportunity to enjoy the gospel on a regular basis. She knew of it's truthfulness without a doubt and it showed in every part of her!

For those who don't know, in our church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints), no one is baptized before the age of 8. At that point, they are able to understand right from wrong and can make a decision for themselves if they want to follow Christ and accept His gospel and partake in the necessary, saving ordainances (such things as baptism by immersion, the sacrament, the endowment, and temple marriage (the sealing of families for eternity)) Before the age of 8, they are not accountable before God. And therefore perfect and innocent; and they are already saved in Christ.

Congratulations, Olivia, on taking such a precious and needful step and accepting the gospel of Jesus Christ.

What Do You Do?

What do you do when someone is hurting? That's been a question that has come into my head a lot over the last several years. Not just because of Sweet Savannah, but because of many other friends and family members who are also hurting - each in a different way - each struggling to do what is right, or help someone else do what is right - each suffering in many ways, some physical, some emotional, and most all spiritual - in one degree or another.

The only answer that seems to be consistent is Pray. That's what we can do. It's the only sure thing that we can do. Words may elude us. Actions require inspiration, which may not be blessed upon us at the very moment we think they should be. Distance can also hamper what one is able to do. But prayer is universal.

Sincere prayer evokes the heavens into action. And though we may be too far away to be the instrument for the action or words which the Lord would provide for another, our prayers are a catalyst to making it happen. Our prayers can reach from us to another in a unique way which requires the heavens to open so that genuine love can pass through. When such love passes through, it gathers blessings to bestow upon the recipient.

Please never under estimate the power or importance of prayer. It is real. It is divine. It is the one sure way that you can always help another.

Conference With Friends

This weekend was good... well.. I wondered on Saturday... it started well... it went to chaos, and I must admit that I wasn't doing so well. Bob left for work, Juanita and I decided we'd stop the second session of conference in the middle, get the kids to bed, and then start back at the beginning of it to get anything out of it yesterday. But it was good.

There was a major Peter issue in there too... I'll tell you about that later...

Today was great. I remember several times thinking that it was so nice to have the family gathered around (most of the time) with friends and a shared love of our Savior and His gospel. There was a very special feeling of peace. It was really nice.

There is much that I took from conference... I always do... but the things that caught my attention the most centered on relationships, values, unity, courage. (Yes, though I heard it all, there is much that was not so "in my face" as I did have kids around to help and take care of)

I want to share just a couple of quotes from the weekend - really just a few of my personal favorites:

"Never let a problem to be solved get in the way of a person to be loved" ~Thomas S. Monson

"Not all angels are from the other side of the veil." ~Jeffrey R. Holland

"God never leaves us alone. Never leaves us unaided..." ~Jeffrey R. Holland

"Meekness is not weakness. It is the badge of Christian Courage." ~Robert D. Hales

"In the strength of the the Lord, I can do ALL things." ~Elaine S. Dalton

"The will to win means nothing without the will to prepare." ~Elaine S. Dalton

"Exaltation is a family matter." ~Russell M. Nelson

And my personal favorite... not from conference, but still from this weekend while dealing with a very cranky, uncommunicative 20 month old:

"This is just a moment. And the moment will pass." ~Juanita Grant (What a great - and much needed - reminder!)

General Conference

Okay... so it starts tomorrow... and anyone with kids knows it's not always that easy to get everything out of conference the first time through. We watch it from home on BYU TV for the convenience of the children. They really can't get through all four sessions without taking at least a couple of breaks and usually excluding themselves from the last hour.

Tomorrow we have friends coming to join us - so I've been trying to come up with things the kids can do - at least the older ones - to enjoy conference and not just run crazy in the house (I was thinking about this before the friends were come.... now I just have more motivation to find what I really want to use for distractions).

There's a lot of great stuff out there - mazes, matching, bingos, word searches, coloring pages... you get the picture. Well, I stumbled upon this General Conference Packet. I'm not 100% sure just where it originated - I went through I website and two blogs - so I'm posting it direct from here. TO WHOMEVER PUT THIS TOGETHER: THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR SHARING IT WITH THE REST OF US!

October Conference Packet - Upload a Document to Scribd

Quorum of the 12 Memory Game - Upload a Document to Scribd

To get these, just click on the name of the item. That will take you to the file you can download. If you don't have an account with Scribd, you will need to sign up for one to be able to download them. It's free!

General Conference begins at 10am Mountain Time, second session at 2pm Mountain Time, Priesthood at 6pm Mountain Time all tomorrow, Saturday October 4th! Then on Sunday, first session at 10am Mountain Time, second (and last) session at 2pm Mountain time. Tune in and be uplifted!

Come listen to the Prophet's voice!

TOFW: An Amazing Experience

What a wonderful experience!

I know that all of our group who went came home as new women - refreshed, rejuvenated, replenished! It was wonderful - full of truths - which we know - but we needed to hear again or in another way!

Where I have been struggling horribly, I now feel I understand more. I feel I have hope and strength again. And I have come away with a better understanding of how I can help some that I love dearly, where before I felt helplessly lost.

I am grateful for the hand of the Lord. In His way, blessing us, and using those we come in contact with to do just that. I am especially grateful for the Priesthood - it is so real. It's power (the Lord's power) is real! It is amazing. And though promised blessings may not come immediately, they do come - just as they were pronounced - when we need them most!

Some of you know of this amazing experience which I personally had (and I know those with me also had amazing personal experiences). I do not feel I can share it over the internet - it was too special for that. But I can share that a special and much needed blessing given to me only a couple of weeks before was fulfilled. I did indeed come to know and feel the love of friends and family, and especially the love my Savior has for me. That love came in a way in which I was unable to push it back, but had to acknowledge and had to embrace! And with it has come clarity about certain things which have not made sense in my life and of where I am needed and how. I've been waiting for that moment - to lift me back up. And it came!

I'd love to share some of my favorite quotes from the weekend (I hope I got them all right, as I was writing as just about as fast as they were talking) - enjoy! Be uplifted!

Kim Nelson:
"Agreement and understanding are not the same."
"Learn to be complementive, not competitive."
"Love is ALWAYS a gift."
"Because God loves me, he allows me to bless myself and others by my choices."
"I want my artwork to be on God's fridge."

Michael McLean:
"My other use to say 'the only problem with life is that there is no background music.'"
(Speaking of the Lord) "You don't care what He says to you; you just want to know He's there."
"She doesn't know she's an angel."
(Quoting a young woman who lovingly and willing gave up her child for adoption) "When you've been in the darkness for a long time you don't believe you'll ever have that light again. And then it comes, just a little bit, and it's like water in the desert."

Mary Ellen Edmunds:
"There are two things which will rob ourselves of joy: Guilt and Contention."
"Guilt can be a good thing if it moves us to make some changes in our lives."
"The Lord says turn, return, come. Turn around as many times as you need to."
"Her next inspiration came from the Spirit - He really has fabulous ideas!"
"If our hearts are knit together in unity and love, we can feel when someone starts to pull away."
"Let's be kind to each other. Everyone has something."

Camille Fronk Olson:
"God has a way of bringing us down so we can be happier than we have ever been."
"Barrenness is a symbol o what we are without the Lord."
(Speaking of Hannah from the old testiment) "She wanted this child to give back to the Lord."
"If you build upon the rock of the Savior, it is impossible to fall."
"The Lord allows you to drop. When you think you are as low as it gets, He lets you drop again. But then He lifts you up higher than you have have been before."
"I've learned to rely on the Spirit in all things."
"The Lord gives us weakness to be humble."
"There is no joy without the Lord."

Kenneth Cope:
"His name never changes. His name is always Love."
"God put us here to fall, to be broken...but we could not have known joy unless we were broken."
"You are your Father's child and everything that means."
"Christ was all about 'Where should I go today?' There really is no balance...He did what He was suppose to do. He was led and He did it."

Merrilee Boyack:
"Service and Family Service will bring about good character, hard working, kind and loving people."
"Service is our tutorial to become like Christ."
"We CAN minister in little, tiny moments."
"He did not say to be well fed. We are to give it ALL away." (speaking of Christ's love)
"Caring is not enough. It is in response that one is saved."
"Christ suggested we do service because then it becomes our work."
"We will all have different promptings. We don't have to all do the same thing. The point is to do it!"

Jason Wright:
"Write to others. your letters can, will, do have an impact."

Sharon Larsen:
"Joy is our responsibility. We cannot have it without the Savior, but we play a part."
"Life is harder when you're not paying attention."
"As soon as we turn our troubles, trials over to the Lord, we can feel joy."
"The Lord knows what will make us happy."
"It takes FAITH."

With His Guiding Hand

Our family has had some interesting and very emotional moments over the year. Some of which some of you know about, many of which no one but us knows about. It's that the way it is in most families?

Anyway, over the last several weeks I've really been struggling - emotionally - and not really being able to figure out what the problem was. I guess it was probably a lot of things - some big, some small, some in between. Never-the-less I was at a moment of "wallowing" in my emotional state. Don't misunderstand me. I wasn't trying to stay in such a draining state, but I didn't have the strength to pull myself out. And I felt I was falling deeper and deeper. Yet some how not really depressed - just emotional.

When I say I was wallowing, I mean that I wasn't allowing myself to move forward. I wasn't working towards a better me. I had become settled in the state that I was in. Not that I liked it, but that's the way it was.

I think we are often finding ourselves in such situations. Maybe not always emotional - I certainly hope not - but content to just be. To accept ourselves and not being willing to move forward to become better and stronger people.

I was blessed to have the experience of my little Peter walking with me in the woods behind the house. Actually, all the kids were with me, but Peter was special. I've always loved how he holds my hand to go with me anywhere. He insists on it, not just letting me take his hand when I feel the need, but insisting that it's necessary.

While we were in the woods, he'd stop and go off to the side of the path, kneel down and start to look at something. He'd immediately glance back up at me to see where I was. Certain that I was still near by, he would go back to studying whatever it was he was looking at.

He would glance back at me often enough that I would never be able to get more then two steps away from him before he'd jump up running toward me with his hand out reached. He'd catch up, grab my hand and slow to a steady walk beside me until I'd stop again. Then he'd go to the edge and explore once more.

In my emotional state, I saw this briefly as a set back. The other kids were already at the end of the first trail waiting for us so we could begin on the loop. But then the thought struck me that he was doing exactly what we all should be doing with the Savior. He wasn't afraid that I would leave him, but he knew that it was safe to be near me. He knew that it was okay, and even good, to explore on his own, with me near-by. But he also knew that when I moved ahead, that meant it was time to move on.

As I pondered this, I came to realize that the Lord was teaching me a very valuable lesson. We've all heard of how we should reach up and the Lord will take us by the hand and lead us. Well, He also allows us to learn, to grow, to explore, to become better. He shows us the way, leading us by the hand. Then He lets go, so we can grow. But He is not content to let us stay becoming stagnant. After a time of exploring, or testing, or becoming better at a certain thing, He takes a few steps forward, beckoning to us that it's time to advance a little further. If we are watching Him always (as we should be), we will take notice and jump up to follow immediately, with outstretched hand ready to hold His hand and let Him guide us to the next place in our lives.

Our Savior never leaves us. He is always near to us. Sometimes He gives us enough room to grow, to become more perfect in a particular area, but He never walks away. He will lead. He will beckon, and He will wrap His hand around our own. He will keep us learning and growing, that we might not become stagnant and loose sight of what matters eternally.

I am grateful for the lessons He teaches us. And grateful for my children who help me to grow, to learn, and to be reminded of important truths. I am especially grateful for the beckon call of my Savior which has helped me to begin to find my footing and move forward.

Ever Feel Like Running Away?

Oh, it's not the kids. It's not the house. It's not even life.... I don't think. It's that things have started to slow.... sort of.

I was in over-drive before California. I was sick most of California. We went mad with the carpet just after. Then I had my sister here for a good visit (although I'm sure she's happy to be home for many reasons... including not having to listen to a 19 month and 3 year old yell most of the time).

I've been trying to work on this project... first some of the fabric was left at the store... remedy, have friend grab it and bring it to church for me... then the printer died... and we got another one... and it didn't work well... though three days of fighting and I managed to get the transfers printed... then there was life that never slowed down... still, no big deal... I thought I'd start cutting pieces while my sister was here... discovered I'd left the rotatory cutter in her room.. in the desk... no not there... later to find in the closet....who knew... then get going... things are working out.... seems to be coming together (FINALLY)... can't find the sewing machine... not because it wasn't in it's home... because I forgot it had a new home.... found it... bobbin kept tangling (how is that possible with an auto tension?)... finally got that fixed (don't ask me how)... moving along...then I tried to finish the last part... with the shaggy material and the stitch I was trying to use, I managed to sew the presser foot to the fabric.. yup... I could take off the foot... then I could move it and the fabric away... totally attached... removed that... discovered I might be able to get a straight stitch in... that keeps bunching... I'll be handing sewing... that's a lot of hand sewing.... it will take me the better part of another week.... and there you have it for good intentions!

Anyway, in all of that, I've "slowed" enough to be able to think and feel again. Apparently that's not a good thing. However, I try to keep in mind a quote (that I'm sure I'll flub up and for which I can't seem to refind so I can't give you the author - I had read four or five articles all at the same time) which basically said:

Even Jesus wept when he learned that Lazarus had died, even though He knew He'd be raising Lazarus from the dead.

The point was that although Jesus knew the death was temporary, he still cried. He still mourned with those that mourned. He still felt and allowed himself to feel the sadness that comes from missing and knowing you will miss someone. To feel the heartache of both self and others. Crying is okay.

I guess that's where I'm at. I'm okay most of the time, and my circumstances and feelings surrounding Savannah's death are different and unique from everyone elses, but that's part of what makes it hurt so much. It's part of why I find myself with tears that I can't bite back.

But it's okay.. because, after all, the Lord provides things to make us laugh (as my mother and I did over the presser foot). I mean, really, can you just picture a presser foot completely sewed onto the edge of a blanket?

A Little Divine Help

I've been trying hard to work on and finish a very special project. It's been more of a challenge than I had ever thought. It seems that much of what could go wrong in this process, has gone wrong. But I know that the Lord has helped me out a lot. Things that have made the project seem hopeless at times, have worked themselves out - after much prayer. Though the project is not yet completed, the major obstacles have been removed. And I hope to be able to finish the project soon. I'm sure the aid the Lord has given me so far will only continue - because it is, after all, a very special project. One for comfort; one made from love. I am truly grateful to have His divine help.

In Loving Memory

In Loving Memory
of
Savannah B. Hurley

We will miss you. But we will see you again. This is for you.

By Heaven's Kiss
~Tara L. Nielsen

T’was Heaven’s kiss that brought you here
By Heaven’s kiss you’re gone
On angel’s wings you traveled
Your mission blazing strong

For when you first arrived here
A miracle was seen
A tiny little baby
A wished for, hoped for dream

A treasure and a blessing
A joy to all around
Your smile and your laughter
The most musical of sounds

So sweet and kind and patient
So tender, bright and true
So gentle, brave and strong
And so very loving too

I won’t forget your courage
As you fought this painful fight
And your faith and you’re example
Remain as beacons in this life

And then will come the day
When I’ll see you once again
And together we’ll embrace
As we unite as friend to friend

Then I’ll tell you once again
As the tears fall from my eyes
How I love you, my dear angel,
And we’ll have no more good-byes

A Great Mission

Never have I been more grateful for the gospel than I have been today. With the passing of Savannah in the middle of the night, I have felt a mix of peace, calm, and whirl-winding emotions. At times I have felt that I have no right to feel this way, as she was not my child. Still, the impact that she's had on my life leaves me in a bit of a roller coaster right now.

I have always, from the day I meet her as a baby, loved Savannah. She has been a light to so many. She loved life with such enthusiasm, taking every opportunity to do the things she enjoyed the most.

I am so grateful for the knowledge of the plan of salvation (also known as the plan of happiness). For it promises us that we can, through Christ's atoning sacrifice, not only return to be with our loving Heavenly Father and our dear brother Jesus Christ once again. But that our families can be united forever again.

The power of the priesthood, that magnificent power to act in God's name and under His direct authority, is so important. It is the means by which our families can be sealed (united for eternity) and allow us to be with our families forever.

I am also so glad to know that all who are sealed and return to be with our Father in Heaven are also connected through this great power and plan of our Heavenly Father. This means that friends can be united with friends, as families can be united with one another.

Though I grieve, for I am sad, I do so because I already miss Savannah. I miss her dearly. But I find great comfort and joy in knowing that she is no longer in pain. That she is with Jesus and Heavenly Father. That she is happy. And that she will be reunited with everyone. I am also grateful and happy to know that her body will be made perfect and that she will be resurrected again, just as our Lord was resurrected.

Until that time, the time of reuniting, I know that she has a great work to do on the other side. She is a missionary. And she will be a great one. I only hope that we can assist her in her work. That as she prepares the spirits of those who have not yet accepted or had the opportunity to even hear the gospel, that we will be able to complete their work in the temple. She has her mission, but she will need our help.

Busy Day - Double Rainbow

Yesterday was a long day. Bob had to finally begin the major fix to the electric issues at the apartment, so he was gone all day. The kids got to stay home and do fun projects - like paper lanterns and necklaces and play trains - with a good friend of mine. And I made a run to Portland.

I was picking up my sister, so I figured there were a few other things I wanted and needed to do while I was at it. For starters, Jeremy needed a twin mattress. Peter has learned to climb out of his crib, and although he's pretty good about not doing it, he does, every so often, climb out. He's also the same age the others were when we moved them to the toddler bed - only a lot bigger. So, in order to move him up and out, we had to get a twin mattress for Jeremy. So, thanks to craigs list, I managed to find one! I also managed to find a futon mattress... and since Bob is going to be building us a futon frame, and I was going to be in the area any way, and the mattress was a great price, I made arrangements to get both the twin mattress and the futon mattress while in Portland.

Then, since Savannah had entered the hospital for what will be the last time, I rearranged my schedule to leave earlier so that I would have a chance to stop in and see the family. I must admit that I couldn't bring myself to actually say good-bye. She was just so peaceful sleeping there. But more over, I know that although she'll be leaving this life for now, I will see her again. Her spirit will live on. She will be doing a marvelous work for our Savior. She will no longer be in pain, and when we reunite, it will be in love. And it will be eternal.


It was a hard. But it was also a wonderful opportunity that I am grateful to have been given.

As a wonderful way to end the day, a way to lift spirits and to (in my mind) mark the beauty of the Lord's magnificent love for all of us, we were blessed to see this beautiful double rainbow right out our front window. This, I believe, was the first rainbow we've seen from this house (at least the first double rainbow) and it was just the perfect ending to the day. I hope you enjoy the pictures. You might have to lot closely for the top rainbow because it was much more faint. But it's there!

Faith - Peace - Sorrow

First can I just say that I've, in many ways, avoided blogging about this. It's not that I'm insensitive to the situations around me, but rather I felt I'd be doing an injustice to those who are most effected by it. As one whose mind never turns off, I am always full of thoughts, of questions, of insights usually left unshared. And in such, I have felt inadequate in my own ability to reach out to others - never really knowing what I should or shouldn't say or do. But with too many thoughts running around, I need to do this now.

As many of you who read this know, or have read from other blogs, a young girl is dying of cancer. When she was first diagnosed I remember a feeling of complete denial. I had just returned from visiting my mother, had only been home about an hour, when the phone call came. I didn't recognize Melissa's voice on the other end, and when she told me what was happening, I was in complete shock. All I could think of was "What? No, it was Jeremy who had the close scare. This can't be happening to my friend. It's not real."

For a period of time, we took care of the siblings while the initial tests, surgeries, and beginning chemo were run. All the while I was stealing myself, praying, and doing what I could to try to calm the noticeable fear in Kiara. She didn't know or understand what was happening. All she knew was that her family, at least for a time, had been pulled apart.

I recall when the news came that the tumor had burst. I was on my way to a dentist appointment, but collapsed on my deck in tears I'd yet to shed. Things looked bad. My emotions, kept in check to that point, were too much to deal with. Though I was not the mother involved, Savannah had been apart of my life since a couple months after her birth. She was like another daughter to me.

This was not my first encounter with cancer. But it was the first time the person I knew was so close to me. That night I sat, in the arms of my husband, and cried, asking all the questions there were no real answers to. I somehow figured he'd have the answers since he'd watched his brother die of cancer when they were boys. But such answers are not given or found so easily.

Not long after Savannah's diagnosis, we learned that my step-mother had breast cancer. I was already watching another dear friend go through this, so I had some idea of what would be happening. But my own emotions have swirled around in disbelief and lack of understanding as I started seeing the real world of cancer move in around me.

Eventually, though not willingly, acceptance rolled in. Hope showed its head as treatments appeared to be working. Remissions came and went. Some how it was all just the way it was. Part of life. But at least it was still life.

I'll admit that there have been issues that crept up which I have allowed to push me further away. As I mentioned before, I had a sense of inadequancy. I still do. Never knowing what to do or say. Never knowing if I should do or say anything.

As a seudo-writer, I find great healing in putting my words and feelings on paper. After learning about the tumor bursting nearly 3 years ago, I started to ask questions about what Scott was like and what it was like to watch him go through cancer. I began writing. A year later I finished a piece which I know was inspired by the Lord. Though it was written as a way for me to heal, a way to understand what was really happening, and though it was started because of a dear young girl's fight with cancer, I did not know then how close that story would really come to telling her story. I only knew it was one of the most touching stories I'd written... and one which I could not read very often for the tears it would bring.

Our family learned that the end was near for both Savannah and my step-mother around the same time. A double whammy. Something one does not want ever to hear. And though I still have not figured out how to do more than offer a hug, and a few tears, I have learned so much over the last year.

With my step-mother dying, I have had the opportunity to speak with my father indepth throughout the process. I've heard the pain, the wishing, the acceptance, the frustration, the lack of understanding, and the peace. I've learned to love beyond myself. Accepting another even when there has been history or anger to prevent it in the past. And I've learned to understand certain things which would likely make another cringe or think a person insensitive.

One such thing comes from the comments of "I wish she'd just die so she'd not be in pain". Understanding that it comes from love and not wanting to see the individual suffer any more helps. But more than that, hearing the words "I just want it to be over" makes all too much sense to me. One might see those words as hurtful, selfish, and as though a person did not value the sick individual. But having lived through and heard these words, I understand it has nothing to do with that at all.

There is the part of not wanting to watch a loved one suffer any more. That's a large part of it. But there also comes a point when one finally accepts there is nothing more that can be done. Nothing will make the person better. They will only suffer more. And it is God's will to have this person return home to Him. When you accept this, and when we've been told "two more weeks" or "two more months" or "this is the end" and yet the end continues to go on and on and on and on, you suffer in a whole new way.

It's hard enough to accept that death is coming. But when you've been given the time line, you brace yourself, and prepare for the end to come within that time frame. You have the opportunity to grieve, to accept, and to prepare. When it doesn't happen, there is nothing left to do. You wander in a stupor, waiting. Not knowing how to proceed with life. In fact, life seems to stand still. Though there are things happening, it's not the same. It's almost as if you're dead while living... just waiting... waiting.... waiting... not ever knowing... yet knowing it will happen.

Eventually you move on... living and feeling like things might continue. Then something else happens to remind you that the end is really only around the corner... you just don't know which corner that is.

Peace does not come easily to all. Understanding sometimes does not come at all in this life time. But knowing our Savior loves us, has died that we might all live again, brings comfort. Knowing that families are eternal, and that saving ordiances have been preformed makes it somehow easier to accept at the final stage.

But the thing I've been most fasinated with, have seen the most, and think that I've finally begun to understand is the role of faith in such situations. We've been taught that faith is a hope for things not seen that are true. That, I believe, is a very simplified explanation. A much more advanced definition, I believe, is that faith is accepting the Lord's will even when the answer is no and we do not understand. It is accepting that the Lord really does know best, although we often cannot see how in the moment.

I have seen such faith. I have seen the peace that seems to flow so naturally from such faith. I do not understand it. I don't think I ever will. For I could never imagine being in the situation of watching my own child or spouse die in such a painful and sad way. But I also know that such faith is needed in other situations within our lives; not just at trials involving death.

The words to a Janice Kapp Perry song "The Test" come to mind - the third verse, I believe:

Tell me love
Why must you die?
Why must your loved ones
Stand with empty arms
And ask the question why?

Tell me friend
If you understand
Why doesn't he with power
To raise the dead
Just make you whole again

It would be so easy for Him
I watch you and in sorrow question why
They you, my friend, in perfect faith reply

"Didn't He say He sent us to be tested?
Didn't He say the way would not be sure?
But didn't he say we could live with Him
Forever more, well and whole
If we but patiently endure
After the trial
We will be blessed
But this life
Is the Test"

Indeed, this life is the test. A test for each of us. And part of that test is learning to have perfect faith.

And for anyone who might not be able to grasp why, as Latter-Day Saints, we are able to fully accept what to the rest of the world is a tradgety, here's another poem - one used at the funeral of the brother-in-law I never met, and also used at the funeral for a cousin who also passed of cancer several years ago.

God's Child On Loan

"I'll lend to you for a little time,
A child of mine," God said,
"For you to love while she lives
And mourn for when she's dead."

"It may be six or seven years
Or twenty-two or three,
But will you till I call her back,
Take care of her for me?"

"She'll bring her charms to gladden you
And should her stay be brief,
You'll have these precious memories
To comfort you through grief."

"I cannot promise she will stay
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn."

"I've looked this world over,
In my search for teachers true.
In the crowds of this great land,
I have selected you."

"Now will you give her all your love
Not think the labor vain,
Nor hate me when I come to call
To take her back again?"

I'll leave you with a quote from my story, one which rings true and which speaks to the heart of the message:

"What love gives to life, Death can't undo"

I Love My Four

I know it's been a very long time... at least for me. Things have just been really busy and though some things have slowed, we're going to continue to busy for quite some time to come. This week's projects include cutting, sewing, organizing, packing, laundry, dishes.... I'm sure there is much more. It's mostly a catch up week before vacation settles in on us!

I've been very blessed to be jolted back to loving the chaos of my own family. I always go through moments of "self-pity" when I find things just too much... running too much, doing to much, schedules too much... life... too much. Sometimes it's easier to get back to the "grateful" side and other times it takes awhile... this time... well, it's taken awhile. I was getting there slowly, but having seven kids (6 and under) in the house (without Bob to help... expect Sunday and a couple hours on Wednesday night) really put things in perspective.

It was fun, and the kids got along rather well (which helped a ton), but then there would be moments when we'd need to go some where (like baseball) and I'd freak out... seven little ones is a lot to get ready, together, out the door and hope you haven't forgotten anything. Thank goodness Courtney and Matt have raised such helpful kids (still kids, but it didn't add much time to the out-the-door-routine)!

Running from that to Vermont for my sister's graduation was incredible, to say the least... I was running on empty... as in tired. Coming home Sunday I had to stop four or five times to stretch my legs, breathe fresh air, and cat nap... but, we made it. I slept great Sunday night, took a nap on Monday and felt a sense of peace and calm.

Service is great. Especially when you can see the Lord's hand in helping you out. And when you can look back and see that not only have you helped someone else, but the Lord has blessed you to have helped yourself as well.

Seven is fun... for a while... but, right now, I love my four! I think I'll wait until they're older before thinking about adding to them.... And now my chaos doesn't feel so much like chaos any more!

It's Working!

For a long time now (a very, very, very, very, very, very.....long time) I've been trying to figure out what to do to "keep" my house "reasonably" clean... or rather, tidy. Clean is relative.. "tidy" makes me think "lived-in in a nice way". Okay... anyway... tidy comes and goes around here.....and most of the time (especially over the last two months) tidy has not shown up at all... instead... war zone!

We've had far too many "ouches" from stepping on, stumbling over, stubbing toes on, etc, etc all the "toys". We've had way to many "landing piles" for laundry... which just get kicked and dragged around the house... and too little energy to fight the always mounting pile of dishes while kids seem to scream and beat on one another (timing is everything)!

Beyond my breaking point, I had a wonderful conversation with my dear friend Heather... and she shared with me something she and her husband do with her daughter... something that finally said (in my head) "yes.... yes... that just might work!" ------AND IT WORKS!--------

Children have to learn responsibility... there are many kinds of responsibilities and many ways to do this... but learning exactly what it means to be responsible for our things - well, let's just say that kids don't seem to grasp that nearly fast enough. So... this is what we're doing..........

The children are (for now) only responsible for their toys. I spoke with them to explain, once again, what it meant to be responsible for something. (Simply put...for the benefit of my two year old.... taking care of, being nice to, and keeping it safe) --as time goes on, we'll be adding other responsibilities...such as clothes and shoes---

Now for the "fun" part.... they receive one (1) (yes, only 1) reminder towards the end of the day that they are responsible for their toys. They now get to choose (I love this part, because it's empowering them) whether or not to pick them up and put them away nicely. When they go to bed, I walk through the house (right now it's just the downstairs... since I'm trying to get us caught up from the 'war zone' while easing into this) to collect any 'stray' toys that have been left behind. These toys will go to the "unwanted / unneeded box" (which I'd love to rename something more creative... when my creative mind is not so over-loaded). These items are now "mine"....and I can choose to let them earn the items back by doing something helpful, not hard on them, which is not a "normal" chore or responsibility for them. (I've figured this is a great way to start weeding things out too...because if they don't coming asking where it is, I know they don't really need to have it around)

I found this "liberating" for me. I had not realized how much I was "binding" myself to the mess of my children and letting it over-whelm me to the point of not getting anything accomplished. I stopped worrying about the toys, and started in on other things... accomplishing 6 loads of laundry, 2 rounds of dishwasher dishes, sweeping floors, collecting dirty laundry, and cleaning out half of the "spare room" (aka the catch all place) all in the space of one day!

I thought for sure I'd be collecting a large box full of toys that first night. Nope! After listening to the kids agree to this... then seeing that their choices to not clean up had wasted much of their time, listening to the complaining and the "that's not fair" and the freaking out and yelling at each other....they suddenly pulled it together, right after dinner... before bedtime... and got all the toys... ALL THE TOYS... No, really, ALL the toys put away!

And each night since, they have cleaned up all their toys. They've even begun to put some toys away when they first finish playing with them (something we've been trying to get them to do forever without any luck). They don't complain.. they just do it!

My nerves are back on track... when chaos hits... 'cause it still does...I'm actually able to cope instead of losing my mind! Life is surely looking up!

More than that... I must say a great THANK YOU, HEATHER for being the instrument to answering prayers! The Lord is truly mindful. He helps us through others... and this is a wonderful example of that.....

Now... if I could just get the kids to learn patience.....